ZÜRICH — In November 2017, Elon Musk — dominant primate of the Tesla troop, a rank locals file under "CEO" — unveiled a sports car named the Roadster and opened a queue. Our observation post is a Zürich showroom, where the queue is open, occupied, and stationary. Mr. Musk now promises a 2028 Roadster that will fly by means of rocket thrusters and perform somersaults. The queue has classified the somersaults as a feature.
The queue has no location. Its members queue from kitchens and offices, holding receipts; their deposits rest in institutions licensed to store numbers. Behind it stands a second list for the undecided — locals call this the waiting list, the queue of the queue. It has classified the somersaults as two features. The delivery year was first given as 2020. It is now 2028. No member has been observed leaving.
Urs Winiger, reservation holder since 2017 and Deputy Branch Manager of a Zürich insurance cooperative, granted us forty minutes beside the showroom glass. "I have never seen the car," he said. "I have seen photographs. I paid the deposit before the car could fly, and I will pay the balance when it can. A queue is a promise you make to yourself." He produced the receipt from the sleeve locals reserve for passports. It is laminated. "My wife no longer asks which car," he said. "She asks which year."
Our counts: at minute two, Mr. Winiger consulted the company's website. At minute six, he consulted it again. At minute nine, he apologised on the queue's behalf for a delay the queue had not yet acknowledged. By minute forty, the website had been consulted fourteen times, updated zero times, and its reader had apologised three times, once for the weather. He then described the somersault in detail: direction of rotation, duration of airtime, and the tram stop he recommends for viewing it. Neither man nor vehicle has performed one.
Inside, Kevin Brunner, Senior Vehicle Experience Advisor, fields questions from the queue. "People ask where the queue is," he said. "I tell them the queue is a list. They seem relieved. A list cannot run out of chairs. Some ask to see it. I point at the wall. They photograph the wall." Local expertise remains skeptical. Dr. Regula Steiner, Senior Lecturer in Aerospace Propulsion at a federal technical institute: "Rocket thrusters on a passenger car are not impossible. They are impossible at this weight, this price, and this deadline. Two of the three can be negotiated. History suggests all three will be."
Closing count, tram stop: delivery years promised for this vehicle, two; delivery years met, zero; queue exits, zero; queue morale, high. By field standards — persistence, fuel economy, herd discipline — the queue is the most successful vehicle Tesla has ever produced. The car has not been built. The queue has.
