WASHINGTON, D.C. During a public appearance this week, the dominant local primate raised his right hand in the ritual greeting known as a wave, and the hand arrived visibly swollen. No member of the communications staff had authorized the display. Local observers noted the swelling before the leader did, which reversed the usual order in which the leader learns about his own condition.
The incident exposed a mechanism this desk had previously recorded only as rumor: message discipline. Under this doctrine, every gesture the leader makes is drafted, reviewed, and scheduled, much as the species applies fashion to clothing, retiring last season's appearance before anyone notices it was worn. The hand bypassed the entire approval chain. "We had a full week of visuals planned," said Marlene Kessler, a former Deputy Director of Visual Continuity, in remarks delivered with the calm of a woman describing weather. "The hand was not on the calendar. Nobody thinks to brief the hand."
Our observation began at wave one. By wave four, the hand had remained unreviewed for approximately forty seconds, an interval in which it was photographed by every device within range. At wave seven, the swelling achieved secondary circulation, meaning locals who were not present were now discussing the hand. Wave nine produced the fourth apology of the observation window, offered by the leader to no specific party, a unit of local diplomacy we have stopped trying to classify. By wave eleven the apology count stood at six, and two of them had been accepted.
A bystander, Dale Frum of nearby Arlington, summarized the arrangement without being asked: "I've waved at that man with both hands and neither one of us meant it. He'll be fine. The hand will be fine. I might be the problem, actually." Our instruments logged the swelling at a measurable increase in volume; we did not require the number, but we took it, because that is what we are.
The press office later addressed the condition, assuring the public that the leader was in robust health, thereby scheduling an apology for a hand. Next week's appearances are already booked, though sources confirm one slot remains blank, reserved for whatever the leader's body does without asking. On Terra, the most senior briefing is delivered by whichever part of the body forgets to wait — and around here, nobody thinks to brief the hand.
